Influence is more than a communication skill.
It shapes how we make decisions, build trust, and create companies people want to follow.
We like to believe that we make decisions based on facts.
We compare options, weigh the evidence, and choose what makes the most sense.
But how often do we actually do that?
A recommendation from someone we respect, the feeling that an opportunity is slipping away, or the simple fact that someone makes us feel understood can change our minds before we have fully considered the facts.
We tend to notice the arguments we use to justify a decision more easily than the forces that shaped it.
That gap between how rational we think we are and how we actually behave has enormous consequences for founders, leaders, and anyone trying to earn another person’s trust.
I sat down with Dr. Robert Cialdini, widely known as the godfather of influence and the author of Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion, a book that earned extraordinary praise from two of the greatest investors of all time.
Charlie Munger frequently called it his number one book recommendation, while Warren Buffett ranked it among the best business books of all time.
In our conversation, we explored the psychology behind persuasion, the ethics of getting people to say yes, and what happens when AI learns to do it at scale.
What We Discuss
The principles behind influence
How founders can build influence without money, status, or an established network
What AI gets wrong when it tries to optimize persuasion
The mistakes founders and executives make when persuading others
Why the human side of decision-making will remain important even as technology changes.
Watch The Full Conversation
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The Lessons
1. People Don’t Make Decisions the Way They Think They Do
Intelligence can help us analyze a decision.
It doesn’t make us immune to the psychological forces surrounding it.
As Cialdini explained, facts and logic matter, but they are often “swamped by how we feel” and the rapport we have with the person making the request.
For founders, this matters more than we might think.
You can have the better product, the stronger argument, and the more convincing spreadsheet, yet still lose to someone who has earned more trust.
When we face too many options, we also rely on shortcuts.
We look to experts, notice what people like us are choosing, or respond to scarcity.
These signals help us navigate complexity, but they can also lead us toward the wrong decision.
The goal isn’t to eliminate the emotional side of decision-making.
It’s to understand how it shapes our choices and the choices of the people we serve.
2. Empathy Is a Business Advantage, Not Just a Personal Virtue
It’s easy to approach a customer conversation by thinking about what we want them to understand.
It’s harder to start with their priorities, frustrations, constraints, and definition of value.
That difference changes everything about how we communicate.
A pitch that makes perfect sense to a founder may mean very little to a customer who doesn’t share the same assumptions.
A product feature that took months to build may be irrelevant to someone trying to solve a much simpler problem.
Empathy helps close that gap.
There is a practical consequence, too: rapport often needs to come before persuasion.
Human connection can change the outcome.
For a startup, this is a reminder to make digital experiences feel human.
A welcoming message, a real photograph, or a personal introduction can help people feel that there is someone on the other side.
Before asking someone to move in your direction, give them a reason to feel understood.
3. Unethical Persuasion Is a Hiring Problem, Too
“Fake it till you make it” has a certain appeal in startup culture.
Founders need to sell a vision before it becomes reality.
But there is a difference between communicating an ambitious vision and deceiving people to get what you want.
When I asked whether someone who has compromised their ethics can regain trust, Cialdini’s answer was direct: admit the mistake, explain what went wrong, and show what has changed so it won’t happen again.
That principle applies to more than public apologies.
It points to the kind of company a founder is building.
Cialdini described research linking unethical workplace cultures to employee stress, the departure of good employees, and a greater tolerance for cheating among those who remain.
His description of the last consequence stuck with me: “You’ve selected for cheaters.”
A culture built around deception can gradually reward the very behavior that makes a company less trustworthy.
Trust isn’t just a brand asset.
It’s an operating advantage that influences who joins, who stays, and how people work together.
A founder’s values are revealed not only by what they say publicly, but by what the company rewards when nobody is watching.
4. AI Can Make Persuasion More Powerful. That Doesn’t Make It More Ethical.
AI can generate sales copy, personalize messages, and suggest ways to make an argument more compelling.
That creates real opportunities for businesses, especially smaller teams with limited resources.
But there is a serious risk: a persuasive recommendation can be built on false evidence.
Cialdini described asking large language models for advice on marketing or sales and receiving claims about what works that may be false.
The risk is not simply that AI makes mistakes.
It’s that those mistakes can be packaged as evidence for influencing someone else.
A message can be optimized for conversion while being misleading about why someone should say yes.
His proposed distinction is important.
Instead of asking AI for the most persuasive way to present an offer, ask what genuine evidence already exists.
Is the product actually scarce?
Is there real social proof?
Does the recommendation come from a credible authority?
Use AI to communicate real value more effectively, not to manufacture the appearance of value.
As polished messaging becomes easier to produce at scale, credibility becomes more valuable.
The technology may change how influence works, but it doesn’t remove our responsibility for what we persuade people to believe.
5. If You’re Starting From Zero, Start With Their Interests
What if you’re twenty years old, with no network, no reputation, and no capital? How do you create opportunities?
Cialdini returned to a principle associated with Benjamin Franklin:
“Should you wish to persuade, speak not to logical argument. Speak to the self-interest of your audience.”
That doesn’t mean reducing every interaction to money or personal gain.
People care about their reputation, their values, their relationships, and the kind of person they believe themselves to be.
The practical question is: what would make this genuinely valuable to the other person?
For a founder, that means understanding the customer’s problem before pitching the solution.
For someone building a network, it means looking for ways to help before asking for a favor.
For a leader, it means connecting a shared goal to the reasons people care about it.
This is also where influence and empathy meet.
You cannot understand another person’s interests by assuming they are the same as yours.
And there is a final principle that ties the conversation together: Liking.
People are more likely to move in the direction of someone with whom they feel rapport, familiarity, and trust.
That is not a trick to deploy at the end of a sales process. It is something to build into the relationship from the beginning.
For anyone starting without advantages, that is encouraging.
You may not be able to manufacture a reputation overnight, but you can be useful, curious, reliable, and genuinely interested in the people you meet.
Those are foundations worth building on.
Timestamps
00:00 Introducing Dr. Robert Cialdini
01:23 The Surprises Hidden Inside Human Behavior
02:39 The Intelligence Trap
05:28 The Hidden Power of Influence
06:37 The Ethics of Persuasion
12:05 From Persuasion to Trust
15:07 The Influence Principles Every Founder Should Know
21:23 The Persuasion Mistakes Leaders Keep Making
23:22 When Machines Learn to Persuade Us
25:54 The Human Tendencies Technology Will Amplify
28:35 How to Build Influence From Nothing
30:57 The Giants Who Shaped Us
32:19 The Principles That Will Survive 100 Years
33:17 Continue the Journey
Links
Dr. Robert Cialdini and the Cialdini Institute have made the following available to our audience:
▪️Complimentary Influence Profile Assessment
▪️20% off the Cialdini Certified Practitioner program
Use code 22CENTURY for both offers.
Follow Dr. Robert Cialdini
LinkedIn · Facebook · Instagram · X · YouTube
Cialdini Institute · Influence at Work · Newsletter · Books
Follow Petar Dimov
LinkedIn · Substack · Instagram · X · YouTube
Final Thought
The more I think about influence, the less I see it as a way to get people to say yes.
I see it as a responsibility to understand why they might say yes in the first place.
For founders, that distinction matters.
You can use psychology to win a transaction, or you can use it to build a relationship that lasts beyond the transaction.
As AI makes persuasion easier to produce and distribute, the difference between those two approaches will matter even more.
The question isn’t only whether you can influence people.
It’s whether they will still trust you when they understand how you did it.
Continue Exploring the Frontier
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This article is part of our 22nd Century Frontier Show collection, where we explore ideas, frameworks, and strategies alongside the leaders shaping the next era of entrepreneurship and investment for the 22nd Century.
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